Chasing Passion

What are you passionate about?  Sighs - that’s a question that has always frustrated and annoyed me.  Largely because I have never been able to answer it.  

I legitimately believed there wasn’t anything I was passionate about … but that's not entirely true … I’m passionate about music, dancing, art, fashion, before and afters’ of renovation projects … not in an obsessively talk about them kind of way - ok, well, sometimes in that way - but when I see it, hear it, feel it … I appreciate it … like deep in my soul.  

It’s the same feeling I get when I horseback ride, sing in my car, travel somewhere new or jump off a cliff … they fill me with joy.  

So, what’s the problem?  Why the frustration?  Well, most people are asking this question as it relates to income or what I want to be when I grow up.  As much as I’d love to be a violin prodigy, a graceful dancer, an artist of any sort … I’m not, or at least I’m not in the way that I’m going to make a living from it and still love it.  In some cases, I’m also just not.  That’s ok.  I dance anyway, because I love it.  It makes me happy … it brings me joy.  

Someone recently suggested I find the common themes behind my passions - it’s the themes that matter.  Um.  Lightbulb moment.  Where have you been my whole life?  

I love freedom … to be myself, to express myself through movement, voice, colour, texture.  I am inspired by other’s choices, expressions - which is why I love magazines, before and after pictures and art galleries.  

Dig deeper darling.  

It’s what draws me to the jobs that have given me the most.  They were undefined, blank slates that screamed for vision, an artist to create something.  I love the build, taking something and shaping it, turning it into something more, finding the potential and helping that become realized.  

I do things differently - not purposely - well, not always purposely, I’ve just always approached relationships and my work differently. 

While on the surface, I appear very task driven, very detail oriented … I find that level of involvement tedious - boring.  I’d rather coach others on execution.  That took a while for me to realize.  When I first started out, I had to do the work - which, in truth, I didn’t mind - I mean, I didn’t always love the work, but as a general rule, I didn’t mind.  I learned to juggle all the things, I learned to detail switch.  This isn’t the same as shifting focus … that’s harder, takes more mental energy .. when you are switching between the details, the foundational work is largely the same, you are swapping out the finer points between projects - it’s managing the dotted i’s and crossed t’s as it were. That was always surprisingly easy to do and the hyperfocus on details and my ability to switch that focus kept the boredom at bay - especially in the more chaotic environments, where I’d be balancing insane numbers of projects at any given time.  In truth, my ability to detail switch is likely why I was able to manage the volume of work I did.  

I’m also motivated by a job well done.  The evolution that happens as an output - whether that's an improved process, mine or someone else’s personal and/or professional growth, the leaving better - all the things.  

To me, for me - music, dance, art, fashion … when done well - they are the tools we have at our disposal, the tools that allow us to leave ripples in the world.  They challenge us to see the world differently, ask questions, think critically, be creative and take risks.  I’m not always going to know, to see the difference I do or don’t make in and/or on the world around me.  But every once in a while, I get lucky, I’m given the opportunity to see, to hear, how, who I am, how I show up or what I do - it matters, it mattered … and for the right reasons.  They are often quiet moments, no fanfare, no glory, no audience .. but the intimacy of quiet recognition or acknowledgement … the impact of that is indescribable.  

Especially when the voices that tell you you aren’t good, you’re heading in the wrong direction, you should do it differently - their way … seem louder.  These voices aren’t the one’s coaching or offering usable criticisms designed to make you better.  These are the voices that say you don’t fit in my box and you should change so I feel better about who I am or so I understand or so I feel less threatened by your differences.  I’ve come across a lot of these voices.  They aren’t always easy to spot - but they are often asking you to be less than … authentic, special … less you. 

I learned very early the importance of relationships at work - not relationships to support an endgame … but authentic connections.  While I’ve tailored my authenticity to be respectful of my audience - I’ve always been a version of myself.  Not everyone likes me.  Not everyone respects me.  That’s true anywhere … I don’t like or respect everyone I meet either.  I’m ok with that.  The thing I also learned … it is very rarely about me …  I work for companies, they are living entities and like me, they have objectives, goals, values, budgets, bills and a collection of people who come into their world to help with all these things - I am just one of many.  My performance is measured on a curve, my raise is based on dollars available, I am replaceable as a function … not as a person - as a function.  Those two things are distinctly different.  

I am more than what I do.  My performance matters to me, it’s personal to me, because leaving something better is a reflection of who I am, of what I am.  It is a habit created over time, that I can take anywhere … it will help me build wherever I choose to build.  It’s what makes me me.  

Is there a void in the world that my passion can fill?  That my passion can be leveraged to teach others? I hope so.  It’s what I want to do … help others .. find their own way, build their own legacy, leave others just a little better than they found them … find the lessons and the strength - to dig deep, to know, when the path gets hard, they can do it … they are enough.  It’s not about having people do it my way … it’s about them taking some fundamental principles and learning to own them and make them theirs … to use them to build something that is unique, that thing that sets them apart and sets them on fire.  It’s about building … about leaving an imprint on the world around you one person at a time.  It’s about creating awareness in others that sparks their own inner light … it’s about the ripples.