One Day and One Task At A Time

Has anyone else ever had something that was usually meditative turn into rage, tears and moments of questioning one’s life choices?

This was me, earlier this week.

I was at my new place … cleaning … or, trying to.  Sighs.  

I truly believed I would be able to clean everything but the bathrooms over the course of the evening.  There was no furniture to move, art to take off the walls, no area rugs to vacuum, or anything to dust … it was washing walls, closets, shelves, trim and doors … not rocket science.  I had also planned on taking down the curtain rods.  

Three hours later, I was sore, exhausted, frustrated, fighting back tears and had finished one room, removed the curtain rods and wiped down the window wells in every room.  

Three hours.  

I realize not many people do a fall or spring clean.  I get that my exposure to that is bizarre and raises so many questions.  I also expected dust - the floors had just been refinished - which meant sanding, which meant dust. 

Slight detour: one of the things that appealed to me about the space was the unique details and throw backs to the sixties, which is the decade the building was built.  Read: the louvered doors.  I liked them a lot less when I was trying to clean them and began to realize they may have never been cleaned.  Each bedroom has four louvered doors and there is one in the front hall.  Each door has 52 rows … that’s 208 rows per set or 624 in total.  

I count.  It helps when I’m fighting for my sanity.  It keeps me from completely falling apart.  So, I count.  

Two guesses what I did when I got home.  I researched how to clean louvered doors.  With a fast follow on how to paint them. I also realized they were in desperate need of painting.  

Needless to say, it was a rough night.  

In truth, the only thing that kept me sane was the thought of a sauna after working out the following morning.  I will not lie … that sauna was unbelievably relaxing and maybe the highlight of my day.  It was also the only reason I got myself out of bed and to the gym that morning.  

I was back today … to finish cleaning.  Today was just shy of six hours … tired, stiff, and mostly done.  I have to windex the windows and clean the bathrooms … that’s it.  Once those things are done, my new place will be thoroughly cleaned.  

Today felt more therapeutic … less verge of a breakdown.  So, there’s that.  That feels like a win.  

The funny thing is, after my breakdown, I wanted independent wealth so I could pay people to do the work for me.  Even in the midst of imagining the work away, I knew I wouldn’t find anyone who could do the cleaning.  I knew it was something I would have to do.  I needed to know it had been done thoroughly.  Done well.  Done right.  I also needed to talk to my space … walk through the changes being made, introduce myself, let it know I’m going to take care of it, treat it well.  It’s my home.  It’s still a work in progress, but it’s my home.  I want it to feel like my sanctuary.  That doesn’t just happen, it’s nurtured - over time - it’s the giving of respect, care and love.  Like everything else - it’s an exchange of energy.  

Tomorrow is day one of patching. The holes in the walls … from nails, screws, curtain rods.  This week I am preparing for the next big project - painting.  There is a lot of it.  

I let the space know … who is coming, what’s next, what it can expect … I have a vision for how it will look - once everything is done.  Seems only right that I share that with the space itself.  Give it a heads up about what’s changing and why.  

Tomorrow will be a learning day .. patching walls, caulking trim and filling nail holes.  Never done that before.  Thankfully, my sister will be onsite … She's my teacher.  So hopefully it’s not as rough as it might have been if I were figuring it out on my own … and it goes faster as a result!

Cleaning is an insanely productive feeling.  It’s like creating a fresh slate, cleaning out all the ick … dust, dirt, energy that doesn’t belong … It's also somewhat exhausting.  Sleep feels well deserved … earned after a day like today.  

It’s amazing to me what a good night's sleep can do for the soul.  It’s like water … heals all things.  Helps with perspective, gives you some distance, wipes the slate clean.  I’m that kid who needs sleep.  Without it, I’m overly emotional, I don’t function at optimum levels.  Sleep is good for me.  Always has been. 

My world is chaotic at the moment, but I’m slowly making progress, moving through tasks and getting through my to do list.  Not everyday will feel as productive or sane … but I’ve got this.  I’ve got this.  

One day at a time.  One task at a time.